


Laketown High

by why_didnt_i_get_any_soup



Category: The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Crack, Drabble, F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-09
Updated: 2014-11-09
Packaged: 2018-02-24 16:27:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2588324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/why_didnt_i_get_any_soup/pseuds/why_didnt_i_get_any_soup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo has to go to a new school in a new town and things get pretty weird</p>
            </blockquote>





	Laketown High

Bilbo goes to hippie dippie charter school called “The Shire.” His mom gets a new job and they have to move to a new town. In the new town, Erebor and Murkewood are two private schools but Erebor gets shut down due to rivalry with Murkewood ending in multiple deaths. Also, Laketown is the public school in the town and all the Erebor kids have to go there now. Okay, so Thorin’s dad (Thrain) is the principal of the school. There is a teacher named Smaug (a Senior economics teacher) who only gives one test a year and if you fail it you fail your senior year!! (AHHH!! Desolation of Smaug!). Smaug doesn’t know what to think about this hobbit full of liberal ideas. Thorin and co. are on the football team. They first meet Bilbo on his first day after school going to the bus and Fili and Kili tackle him after he gets hit in the face with the football (wherever the ball goes, they go) and he throws it back. Thorin yells “stop playing around, we have practice, you little shitheads!” Thorin and Bilbo have Smaug’s class together. Thorin invites Bilbo to football game (Bilbo does not understand football) this game is versus Murkewood so that’s a big deal obviously. Tauriel is head cheerleader (with a banging slamming bootylicious body). Kili hurts his leg (isn’t really good at football, but is third string and gets called to play because he’s a sophomore) and is benched (staring at Tauriel) and Fili makes fun of him (dreamweaver) and then she gets bored of cheering (no one pays attention to cheerleaders—people only care about the band) so she comes over to opposing side and starts talking to Kili and helping him out and talking about how she used to be on the football team in middle school. Now she does soccer and cheerleads. Bard is a band nerd (why are we spending money on football??). Legolas (beautiful Legolas) is captain of Murkewood football team and his dad (Thrandiul) is the principal of the school. Legolas also likes Tauriel and Thrandiul wants him to be with Tuariel as well but she wants to be with dirty, poor Kili. Maybe Gimili is there too? Can’t even make third string because too many dwarves and has anger issues (has injured people); the bad guy, doing bad stuff, hanging out with the wrong crowd (he smokes cigarettes) but Legolas is totally in to that and denial. The Lakewood Dwarves and Murkewood Elves. Smaug the techer tells the coach (gandolf—everyone thinks he’s a weird old dude but don’t want to say anything to him) that most of his players can’t play because bad grades. Refs make bogus calls all night. After football game, (Murkewood wins), everyone goes to steak n shake to cry over milkshakes and stuff. Murkewood shows up too and are dicks (as per high school movie protocol). Legolas isn’t really a dick but doesn’t stop it. (starting to feel things for gimili). Thorin acts all protective of Bilbo. The two schools decide to have an “out of school” football match. Devolves into giant fight with police showing up. They scatter. But hey, Bilbo and Thorin pass econ!! Yay! Graduation!! The end.

**Author's Note:**

> I actually think this would be a cool story and I may elaborate and actually write it or I would totally be up for anyone else wanting to use this outline to write it.


End file.
